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Where We Left Off:
Detective Burton Guster Nabu has been feeling the energizing effects of Fall. Unfortunately, that’s released some violent urges in his genetic code and he started a spree of capturing chipmunks.
**WARNING: this case includes images of Gus capturing and smacking a bird, but it survived.**
Cat/Cow:
In this particular investigation, Detective Gus should learn to take his own advice. It was September 10, 2024. Another day that wore me out completely. I didn’t have the mental fortitude to watch a webinar on AI copyright concerns for authors given by Sisters in Crime. I didn’t want to have that on my mind while trying to sleep. My morning had already been a pastiche of violence—and it was caused by none other than my dearheart, Gus.
When it comes to Brown-headed Cowbirds, they may be fashionable handsome dandies with secrets behind their eyes, but as Lt. Joe Kenda would say, “Dark secrets are extremely destructive.” Cowbirds are brood parasites. Cowbirds are so notorious they are considered a Mafia by scientists, according to one of my favorite websites, BirdNote! Y’all—the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency is not the only place who labels animals like this!
This was a time in our late summer history when Gus and I began having even more trouble with the new neighbors, Lord and Lady Theodore. It was about a week and a half before a major dispute. The had already put up the Iron Gate of Glory, as mentioned in a previous case file; yet, it was before they added boulders to the block off the narrow spaces at the posts of it to keep the likes of me from being able to go after Gus in the event he walks easily through the gate.
All that is to say, we can relate to critters who have unpleasant, selfish neighbors. The cowbirds have been brazen in their greed to get snacks when chipmunks, squirrels, and other birds are already in line. The chipmunks hibernate in way. It’s more like bears. It’s not a true hibernation where they sleep through all of it. It’s called torpor which sounds like a Vulcan word for taking a winter sabbatical; but, it means the animals slow everything in their bodies down (heart rate, body temperature adjustment, and respiration). They don’t have to eat much. They have shelter for warmth. Animals can even give birth and nurse during this time.
Like squirrels, chipmunks will build a cache of food to survive the winter as well as put on as much fat weight as possible. Cowbirds are here year-round. We’re between the large dot over Philadelphia and the smaller dot over New York City. I zoomed in as much as the map would allow. The dot over Trenton is barely smaller than Philadelphia’s dot. We won’t have less of these shiny black and brown birds until the end of December.
There are three frequent visitors to Moretti’s Rock Fortress (named for the original don of the chipmunk organization, Cheeks Moretti). The standout is Dyson “The Vacuum” Moretti, followed by Murdock (not to be confused with Mice “Mike” Murdock), and Pipi Lansbury who only crosses beyond the patio when necessary. None of the chipmunks live full-time at the fortress. Dyson and Murdock come from the backyards of neighbors a couple yards down.
On Instagram, I’ve already shared how the cowbirds will land at the fortress while a chipmunk is eating. Each chipmunk has its own tolerance level and unique style of stuffing their cheeks. One of things Oliver and Gus take great offense to is when someone else messes with the Chipmunk Mafia. That’s their job!
Oliver sat in his carriage on several different occasions and took note of how often the birds would intrude on the chipmunks. The small birds like the tufted titmice, sparrows, and nuthatches might be willing to land close to a chipmunk, but they would never dare lay feather nor talon on one. The blue jays often scare the chipmunks, but it’s such different way than cowbirds. Blue jays believe in a pecking order. If one drops down to the wall for a peanut, it’s possible another one might swoop down and boot it out of the way. They’re not the most graceful at landing and hopping either.
For example, it took the Blue Jay Gang members much longer to figure out how to make an approach and land on the small white fairy chairs. They have a better grasp on it this year. Their wingspan is so much larger than the small birds that birdseed often sprays in all directions when they land in a once concentrated pile of seeds. When it comes to landing near a chipmunk, because the jaybirds would never win a competition on grace and etiquette, they do startle the chipmunks. It’s always one-on-one though.
The mourning doves are larger than the blue jays, yet when they land, they choose to announce their arrival with cooing noises and flap their wings until they touch down several feet away. Then they make their way over to the brick at the corner of the fortress. However, the doves don’t even like eating there. They’re pigeons. They prefer the seeds to be spread across the ground where they nibble and talk. When they take off, there’s usually a fluff of flying feathers that come loose and dance through the air to the ground. The bottom line on the doves is that they will not intentionally disturb chipmunks.
Plan of Action
One day, Gus chose to head back inside from patrol via Ollie’s French doors. Oliver greeted him as they exchanged sniffs and maybe a couple of swatting paws, but that’s not the issue this time. They decided that we need a way to disperse the cowbirds. A plan was formulated. Both of them agreed to it (shockingly). Gus was going to take the point position in this one. He’s always eager to battle.
Code Name: Cowbird Operational Warhead
The plan was crude in its simplicity. Catch one of the cowbirds and give it a beating. Tell it to return to its flock and deliver the warning message to the others.
The cats might not be military geniuses despite Oliver’s original human being high up in rank and clearance.
Case Findings:
The plan was scheduled for 10-September-2024. Gus was the Warhead. This time, the gorgeous, shiny birds landed on the new wall at the upper parking lot where Chipcent Donofrio runs his empire. Did they really think they could out-maneuver Gus? The birds looked like oil swaying on top of the sea. He spotted them easily.
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t see it happen! The Grumpy Old Man was on the back porch. Gus and I were up the private road. I was probably trying to take a photo of the sunrise as that’s something I had done on both the 11th and 12th. Next thing I know, I’m hearing, “He’s got something,” coming from The Grumpy Old Man. I don’t know how he saw it first.
I turned on my cell phone to record video of me following Gus taking his prisoner, Gideon Brown, back home. Thank goodness he didn’t try to take it inside this time. Well, my internal monologue was whirlwind debate between letting him keeping it or intervening. I saw that it was a brown-headed cowbird and justified Gus’ actions as karma.
Don’t watch the video if you are likely to get upset at Gus smacking down the bird.
The bird was released and hopped to safety with moving wings. If someone else put it out of its misery without my knowledge, I was never told. The family has a way of keeping secrets like when cats have died. They’ve told me things like, “He ran away and hasn’t come back.”
Now, we wait and see if the captured then released cowbird delivered the warning back to the flock. We’re apparently going with Vlad the Impaler’s approach. Cowbirds need an appropriate collective noun that expresses their bullying behavior.
Case Status: Open