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Where We Left Off:
The cat detectives and humans began Year 8 with another chapter of the rarely seen Gus doppelgänger, Bud.
The Adventure of the Resident Patients:
The gnomes and fairies haven’t been back at their gathering spot under the trees for long—only since Spring began. Once in a while, we find one of our seasonal staffers in Gnome Grove prone on the ground. Sometimes it’s after all-night shenanigans. Other times, it’s due to unfortunate assaults.
On April 30th, Gus and I discovered Gnomez Addams face-down close to the door at the base of the biggest tree in the copse. Finding him like this was no longer alarming as there is a long history of Gnomez being found in this embarrassing position. Gnomez Addams was our first gnome on staff and we’ve gotten to used to his quirks. He came to live here on Yule in 2017. He finished his training and went on duty in the Spring of 2018.
Suspect List – Squirrels:
Oliver ordered strongly suggested that I comb through our entire history of investigations to find when the first assault on a gnome occurred. After that, keep digging and bring back my findings.
“Gnomez was first assaulted April 16, 2020,” I began.
“2020. Hmmm, bad year,” Ollie said.
“Definitely a weird one,” Gus added.
I continued with the briefing. “Back then, our informant Stan Cardinal gave us the important details to solve the case. He said the assailant was an adult grey squirrel who goes by the name Duke Chandler, the Duke of Squirrels.”
Gus sat tall, licked his paw and ran it over his ears and face. “There’s something peculiar there.”
“That it wasn’t your fault?” Oliver jabbed at his partner and cousin.
Gus ignored the comment and followed his train of thought. “We didn’t actually discover Gnomez until the morning after which would have been April 17th.”
Oliver saw where Gus was going with his thinking. “And you think that the anniversary that the first time Gnomez was assaulted is connected to this year’s serial attacks? I don’t know.”
Our discussion brought up many questions. Gus was probably right. The date of the assault was not a coincidence. Gnome Chomsky and Sherlock Gnomes weren’t assaulted back then because they came to live here later—August 11, 2020 and August 11, 2021 respectively.
It was the a time when the COVID-19 pandemic had grown from a few key hubs of international travel to germinating worldwide. It spread to six continents (and some people still think it was a hoax). There was madness. Absolute insanity spread with the germs. There were variants and vaccine trials. A militia tried to assassinate the governor of Michigan. The year 2020 got even worse after that.
What the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency knows is that anniversaries of a tragedy often lead to more tragedies on those dates.
Oliver rolled on to his back showcasing his beautiful snowy white belly. “I might need catnip to tap into the Akashic library.”
Gus said, “Give him something stronger. Get out that silvervine.”
I took a stick of silvervine from the package and held it for Ollie. Gus could not stand having my attention elsewhere so he went over to his favorite treat game dispenser and spun the test tube shaped vials around waiting for his rewards.
Oliver got calm and slowly blinked his eyes until they stayed closed. His chance at reaching a higher plane was abruptly cut short when Gus climbed on top of him and playfully bit at his neck.
“Do not go to sleep!” Gus said.
“I think he got your point,” I said.
Poor Ollie pulled himself out of an awkward feline grappling tumble with Gus. He took a few breaths to compose himself and straightened out his luxuriously soft fur.
“You idiot!” He said to Gus. “Why do you let him get away with this behavior?”
I looked Ollie in the eye and answered. “Because you do it to him too. Now tell us if you sensed anything about the gnome assaults in those few seconds of astral being.”
I looked down and saw the tuft of orange and white fluff on the ugly carpeting that already looks like set décor from CSI. Gus came over and demanded his turn with the silvervine stick. He likes it too, but it doesn’t have the same effect on him.
“If I can get back to the investigation,” Ollie said, “We have a serial on our hands! It’s a good thing we’re going back to Crime Con to learn more about forensics and criminal psychology! Do we have any new information on Duke Chandler or perhaps his allies?”
I mumbled, “You guys aren’t going to Crime Con. Only me and the Butler are.” It’s totally fine if they didn’t hear me.
Since I had done all the research (it’s my job as Official Biographer), I reminded the boys that we investigated Duke Chandler’s death in 2022. Our best place to begin making a list of suspects would be with the Duke’s family and allies who might still be living around Gnome Grove. We could also check in with Squirla Moon, a scientist who lives with her family in the haunted old well house.
While Gus went to question Squirla Moon and her family, Ollie wanted to nap. That meant I had to go over to Gnome Grove and the nearby areas to question everyone else about Duke Chandler’s closest associates.
Thank Athena I didn’t have to go far! I found Pipi Lansbury and made a fair exchange of sunflower seeds and peanuts for information about the Duke or anyone who might have wanted to attack the gnomes. She was not happy about helping Gus so it was a good thing he was on the other assignment. Gus has been known to terrorize the chipmunks from time to time. I do my best to prevent any harm. Anyway, Pipi revealed that Jessica Walnuts may be older, but she’s still spry and a bit screwy in the old noodle.
I picked up Gus and took the information back to Oliver. After first dinner, we reconvened.
Case Findings:
Jessica Walnuts, one of the oldest residents of Gnome Grove, was a top suspect in the assault of all three gnomes. Her motive was that, frankly, she’s kind of nuts. Assaulting the gnomes is Jessica’s version of “cow tipping” only it’s with garden gnomes. We promised our Gnome staffers that we would have a conversation with her as soon as she’s ever spotted in the area during a patrol.
Case Status: Closed
Resources:
Kracov, Julie. “The Year in Review: Top News Stories of 2020 Month-by-Month.” Edited by Chad Cardin, CBS News, CBS Interactive, 27 Dec. 2020, www.cbsnews.com/news/2020-the-year-in-review-top-news-stories-month-by-month/.
Munchiecat, Natalie. “What You Need to Know about Silvervine.” Munchiecat, 2024, www.munchiecat.com/blogs/cat-behavior/silvervine.